What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies? Like I get that p*ssy wetter than a dirty sewer. Funny Golf Sayings and Quotes. The human soul is like a whiteboard. Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize or laugh. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf." Wife: I’m sick and tired of your obsession with golf! Take your game to the next level with tips, drills and advice from top Tour Pros and the UK’s top coaches. -Bob Hope "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married," said the pouting wife. I'm pretty good with my short putts. What did the golfer say to the hip hop dancer? 9. You never know how dirty it can get (living in this world) until someone's love makes a clean spot. That's a golf shot." I'm tired of hurting. Showing search results for "Dirty Golf" sorted by relevance. Dirty wont be having it in this house. Funny Golf Jokes for Women Read More » ... See more funny golfing quotes. Hold your 2-iron in the air, because not even God can hit a 2-iron. ———-Missing ball. Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores? Look at the size of his putter. 6. Short funny golf jokes - one liners ! The 19th hole. What is the difference between Rory McIlroy and Princess Diana? Do you know why the game is called golf? And we like to floss, all my diamonds gloss, I represent the dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty South. If you golf on election day… Guys will spend at least 5 minutes looking for a golf ball. Damn, my shaft's all bent. What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? Can Dirty talk increase sexual pleasure? You dirty sexy minds. We have a threesome, care to join us? Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter! A “Lion” would never cheat on his wife but a “Tiger Wood”. Try choking donw on the shaft. Golfer: This is the worst golf course I've ever played on! I said: 'Hey, talk dirty to me.' 833. I have collected 45 dirty talk examples and quotes to get some inspiration for the erotic and naughty talks. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. Because all the other four letter words were taken. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more. -Lee Trevino Which is the easiest golf stroke? A kid grows up a lot faster on the golf course. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." Copy. Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I 90. There is an old adage about sports writing that goes something like this: The smaller the ball, the better the writing. Golf is an easy game… it's just hard to play. Sometimes the game of golf is just too difficult to endure with a golf club in your hands. 1021 matching entries found. You think I can't get hood like you, you motherf... And we like to floss, all my diamonds gloss, I represent the dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty South. "Damn, my shaft is all bent." My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. It took one afternoon on the golf … When your golf cart capsizes. Golfer: I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course. Tough Stuff. Who taught Elin Nordegren to swing a golf club? What did the golfer say after performing yoga? Custom and user added quotes with pictures. You think I can't get hood like you, you motherf... Jessie J. Golf isn't first on my list anymore. Golf got its name because all of the other four-letter words were taken. If you think it's hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong golf ball on the had to choose, right ? After 18 holes I can barely walk. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. Fantastic 4-some. Brand new golf balls are attracted to water, and the power of the attraction is in direct proportion to how much the balls cost. America's one vast golf course these days. Intercourse! 'You know,' smarmed Ralph, 'they're all afraid to play me. "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember The fourth putt! 50 Greatest Golf Quotes of All Time. Get in the hole! If you work at it, it’s golf.”. There are a lot of things ahead of golf and I have to go ahead and do those things so I can play golf. The best sound in golf is the whooshing noise as your golf buddy hurls his clubs ———-I have no trouble hitting the woods… but I struggle get out of them ———-The best way to get better at golf it to take it up earlier in life ———-Improve your golf game by practice, lessons or cheating. "Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?" 5. They are the two things you can thoroughly enjoy even though you are really bad at them. Golf is way down at the bottom in terms of total numbers and growth. There are three ways to lower your golf score: take lessons, practice constantly — or start cheating. Dirty everythang. 61. Sometimes the game of golf is just too difficult to endure with a golf club in your hands. See more ideas about golf quotes, golf, golf humor. -Bob Hope 7. There’s no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies. "P-u-t-t is correct," he replied. By stragetically placing fire hydrants. Where is the best place to go on vacation? It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. ... the bramble, nettle and thistle, an Eezy-wipe lawn where nothing of life, dirty and glorious, remains. “Top of the mornin’ to yer, sir” says the attendant. Golf Monthly is packed with all the information you need to help improve your game. Here are the 50+ Best Tee-rific Golf Puns On The Internet, By Par What does a golfer do on his day off? I’m not a bad putter… I just can’t catch a break. Nuts! After 18 holes I can barely walk. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); 2. … She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he's handicapped when he meets a blond working at one. Everyday I'm Schauffele. 62. 5 Likes. See more ideas about golf quotes, golf humor, golf. Jack Lemmon, Actor. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him ina typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. If the point of golf is to hit the ball less, then do I win if I don't play at all? How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? There are no maladies in my golf game. 2. (Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball; only the part where you drive the cart. A hole in one of a kind model. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. 2. I lay her down and kiss her neck and talk dirty to her. I see L.A. as a beautiful blonde with dirty underwear. The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson. By the way, golf is a bit similar to the billiard – it can be an intimate playing, especially if you try to court a girl (what a dirty golf player). Literary Golf Quotes. Home » Browse Quotes By Subject » Funny Golf Quotes Quotes. “It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. Golf is a lot like taxes: You go for the green and wind up in the hole. Because he walked into the wrong club! My golf game stinks. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. Golf teaches you how to behave. Because subtraction speaks louder than words. What's the difference between a golfball and a Nissan? Whether you just enjoy golfing on vacation or hit the green each week, here are some clever puns about golf for every fan! Streeter Lecka/Getty Images. Husband: Why, is it driving a wedge between us? A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf If you play it, it’s recreation. What kind of model is Paige Spiranac? "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." “Ribbit 3 wood.” The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing." Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Impartial in-depth reviews of the latest equipment will ensure you buy the best whatever your budget 3. It bends a little to the left. Aug 3, 2019 - Explore Nicole Garner's board "Golf sayings", followed by 119 people on Pinterest. SO why does the golfer carry two shirts? 6. Well at least I heard his name several times. Hole in one. 0 of 50. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. Hilarious Joke: A Woman Joins A Country Club And Played Golf; Joke Of The Day: A Man Takes The Day Off Work; Naughty Joke: The Girl's Round of Golf Just Went Awry; Hilarious Dirty Bar Joke Of The Day: Smart Guy V/S Old Drunkard; Hilarious Dirty Joke Of The Day: 2 Women Were Playing Golf; Hilarious Stupid Sexy Joke: Doctor's Good Decent Assistant Golf is a lot like taxes: You go for the green and wind up in the hole. 8. You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will happen again! "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. Well of course it's a golf shot; I just hit a golf ball. What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? I like going there for golf. -Lee Trevino "Golf is my profession. Rory McIlroy has a GOOD driver! How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? Our golf ball packs come with 3 novelty balls. Nothing it should have ducked. Golf Funny Sayings | Golf Lessons […] 20 Funny Golf Sayings and Inspirational Golf Quotes – Haggin Oaks – Here is a collection of 20 golf quotes – some are inspirational and others are golf sayings that will hopefully bring a smile to your face. Choose 1. Tired of fighting pain. What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't: 10. Just how childlike golf players … The majority of people who buy homes in golf course communities don't play golf. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); Dirty talk helps arouse and stimulate particular senses that are sometimes overlooked during sex. Golf slogans, golf phrases and golf sayings can unite, inspire and motivate. Select from the best slogans for shirts, banners, posters, t-shirts, jerseys, signs, warm-ups, locker room and more. You won’t be able to help yourself from laughing at these corny jokes. You don't see Gretzky skating around going 'there's a hockey shot, that's a hockey shot.'. The man is befuddled and doesn’t know what to say. Keep your head down. You hit your ball, he's like "there's a golf shot. She said: 'Go fuck yourself.' To get you started Quotes for Bros will freshen up your mind for the next minutes with the 32 filthiest, sexiest and dirtiest Quotes of all Time for Bros and their Girls. 22 Likes. If a bird sh*ts on your golf cart, don’t ever take her golfing again. What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? Wash your balls. she asked the instructor. Photo: Shutterstock. After 18 holes, I can barely walk. putt." Mind if I join your threesome? You need to adjust your grip. Dirty Cart. You dirty sexy minds. Dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty sucker. Caddie: Try heaven. Why did Arnold Palmer get beat up? 4. On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. Which course gives Tiger Woods the most trouble? Lee and Gary head out to the golf course for a quick nine holes. Get in the hole! -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. A good golf joke or one liner might make your game even better (or at least come to grips with the fact that you’re going to need more practice). A couple have just gotten married. What do you call a lion playing golf? Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles. Just show her several positions that are needed to make a goal ball, wait till she makes a mistake and correct her with your own hands. Look at the size of his putter. Rally your golf team, inspire your fans and liven up the crowd! 9. How many strokes was that? How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? When is the course too wet to play golf? Golf was once a rich man's sport, but now it has millions of poor players! Anyone can clean a dirty board, but only the Son of God can clean a dirty soul. Dirty Sayings Golf Balls are great gifts for friends and coworkers. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five. ), He knows all the golf lingo. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? 10 / 10. 7. Dirty Golf Sayings Jokes. You know? Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" 3. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie. One of my friends goes: 'So, you know what really turns me on; when girls talk dirty in bed.' Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: az11107, jemallor, 21ob, dudedudester1, racke78, mcsheehy54, konczalangelia, fourq2. On the first tee, Lee turns to Gary … Caddie: This isn't the golf course, sir, we left that an hour ago. My shaft is bent. Spread your legs a little more. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? 3. Why don't golfers in England work in the afternoon? You know it's too wet to play golf when your cart capsizes. Jan 27, 2017 - Explore Eighteen Eves's board "Golf quotes for women" on Pinterest. “What do you think frog?” the man asks. Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. Submitted by: David. course sometime. A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. Roarin' Mcllroy "Golf is my profession. What do you call Jessica Alba joining you and your buddies for a round of golf? In case he gets a hole in one. You can't be half ass dirty you gotta be all the way, ya feel me? 4. "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture." 1. In the Golf of Mexico! Shop a wide selection of designs or personalized a pack with monogram lettering, a favorite saying or artwork. Because it would interrupt their tea time. Bobby Jones. In case he gets a hole in one. Stand with your back turned and drop it. Be sure to flirt and make this gently! How does a brunette keep her husband from a blond working at a golf course? "Of course I do, my dear -- it was the day I sank that thirty-foot He's the one getting his balls cleaned. ———-The best way to reduce shots on the score card is with an eraser. Not that dirty. clubs. — Bob Hope via sayingimages.com. Talking about golf is always boring. Yeah I tried that with my wife. 23 Comments. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball." Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings. Just ask my ex -wives. Problem Men and Men Problems Golf Handicap Ralph was a smooth operator, and at Southwick Golf Club's annual dance he attached himself to the prettiest lady golfer in the room and began boasting to her. Cause bitch I'll cripple your style. ———-Golf addiction. What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? This is the way we ball... Lil Flip. “If you watch a game, it’s fun. You've already moved most of the earth. A priest rushed from church one day to keep a golf date. Dirty talks allow the body to come to terms with one’s thoughts, imagination, and hearing hence a more erotic experience. Why are golf and sex so similar? What did the duck say to the golf ball? Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." 8. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog,”OK where to next?” Putter Around. ", © Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. I always start writing with a clean piece of paper and a dirty mind. Because he thought every day he needed to play around. Here’s our huge collection of golfing slogans, phrases, sayings, mottos, and quotes. 4. "Put means to place a thing where you want it. I found Jesus on the golf course. when we were married," said the pouting wife. 63. Happy Gilmore. 5. Lift your head and spread your legs.
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